Chicken Nugget

So, Kyle and I finally got to take our honeymoon in May! (For those of you keeping score at home, that’s 9 months after we got married.)  We were headed to the island of Cozumel, but the swine flu epidemic was in full swing at the point, which was pretty scary and the US was advising against travel to the Mexico. I think it had more to do with the fact that Spencer and Heidi were honeymooning in the country, which is way more disgusting than the swine flu, but hey, that’s just me.

From Gawker.com

So I began to scramble to find another tropical destination for us to visit. I think that this “recession” is totally overblown because every flight somewhere warm was BOOKED, but finally with the help of a nice man at Costco Travel- props to you Patrick- we were headed off to the Grand Cayman Islands!

The Grand Cayman islands are amazing. One of the coolest things we did was swim with the stingrays! Below is a picture of Kyle and a ray. Um, I love Kyle’s face in this picture. It looks like the Stingray just whispered something sexy in his ear.

Kyle and Mark holding a Ray

So, on the Island, chickens run around. The first time we saw one, we were walking to a place called the Butterfly Farm and in a gas station parking lot, beneath the Texaco sign lay a mommy chicken and 3 little babies. Of course I ooed and awed over the chickens. The locals probably want to kill themselves over dumb blondes like me spazing about these fucking chickens. But it’s kinda crazy to be laying in bed in a Marriot overlooking the turquoise blue ocean and be woken up by a rooster crowing. (Several lived in a tree outside the main entrance.) So eventually you get used to them, (aka- you stop whipping out your camera every time you see one) and just pretend you are cool like the locals and make fun of other newcomers who pay attention to them.

The main island is a hodgepodge of cultures. Over 31 different nationalities call the island home. So there’s Italian food, Greek food, Mexican food, & Middle Eastern Food. And we really really liked this kabob shop down the street from our hotel. We ate there twice. The second time we saw a rape.

As we are waiting for our take-out a mama chicken and her babies are playfully running up and down the strip mall looking for things to eat. All of the sudden the mama chicken starts screaming and trying to scramble up on a Red Bull umbrella attached to a patio table. The babies started screaming for her. I’m trying to figure out what is going on, and then all of the sudden I see HIM. The Rooster Rapist. He starts chasing the babies and at this point I’m crying and begging Kyle to go chase the rooster away, but this thing was huge and had scary ass claws. The mama chicken hears her babies crying and leans over the umbrella’s edge to check on them and then she tumbles down to the ground. This of course is just what the Rooster Rapist wants. This is a pretty loud scene- there are feathers flying and loud bird noises, and this has awoken another Rooster Rapist. The first Rooster takes Mama chicken under a table and does his biz, and then she gets attacked by the second rooster. The baby chicks are crying, I am crying. I immediately plan on going home and writing letters to my congress people to ALLOW cock-fighting because they all appear to be assholes who deserve to die.

Our order is ready and we walk glumly back to the hotel and eat our chicken kabobs in silence contemplating how anyone can be so cruel to chickens.